November 15, 2012 @07:22 am
Ryan has been competing with the ABA/INBA Natural Bodybuilding physically challenged division for nine years. He has won 20 first place trophies, four gold medals, and one silver. Last Sunday he was inducted to the organizations Hall of Fame. What an accomplishment. Congratulations, Ryan. Pictures are not posted yet, but keep checking at www.naturalbodybuilding.com.
Cheri Smithson
October 21, 2012 @01:31 pm
The Wedding: It’s hard to put into words the experience of Ryan and Rebecca’s wedding. It was the most unique, sentimental, and tearful wedding I’ve ever attended. There was not a dry eye in the place. Most of the two-hundred guests have known Ryan and Rebecca their whole lives. This was a fairy tale come true, all starting in kindergarten for them. Most of those who knew Ryan, also knew that all Ryan wanted most of his adulthood, was to get married. His dream was now coming true on June 2nd, 2012.
The wedding was at Red Hawk Golf Resort north of Reno. It was the perfect place for accessibility and beauty. The reception was there also, and afterwards Ryan and Rebecca stayed at the Villa there for a few nights. Rebecca’s parents out-did themselves on this wedding. It was quite elegant. As Rich and I are seated, I see Ryan up front in his wheelchair. The bridal party makes their way to the altar. Rebecca has two sisters and three cousins in the wedding. Ryan has his job coach, Rick, his brother, Jesse, his good friend Javier, and another friend, Brandon as his groomsmen. Since Rebecca had an extra bridesmaid, she walked down with Rebecca’s service dog who is dressed in a tux. As Rebecca starts down the isle, Ryan stood up to his walker to greet her. Here she comes in her walker all decorated for the wedding. When you know how difficult it is for these two to use walkers, it was overwhelming to watch this. Ryan was having a hard time containing himself as well. Everyone I caught a glance of had tears in their eyes. She meets him at the altar, and they get help from the wedding party to turn around and sit in a love seat couch covered in the wedding colors. Now, they are facing the audience to speak their vows. The pastor from their church said all the right things, and they said, “I do”, and kissed. It was the sweetest moment.
Rebecca’s sister, Jennifer, and Ryan’s brother, Jesse, were the maid of honor and best man. As they had done most of their lives, they continued to serve Ryan and Rebecca the whole day. I was so proud of them. They pushed the couch forward down the isle after the vows. Everyone was thrilled for them, and probably still crying. They stayed in the love seat for pictures. We made our way into the reception and found our seats. We greeted most of our family and friends briefly, and then the wedding party came in and lined up in front of the room. As the DJ introduced them, they parted making an entrance for Ryan and Rebecca to come in on the couch. There were ribbons on the sides of the couch, which Jennifer and Jesse used to twirl them around for their first dance. At that point they transferred them to their power chairs and they went to the head table. There is one thing you should know….Ryan was choked up the whole day, which kept most of us in tearful moments. We ate a wonderful meal and danced the night away. At one point, Rebecca sang a song for Ryan. You guessed it, more tears!
The wedding started at 4pm, and people didn’t leave until 10pm. It was such a fun wedding from beginning to end, even with the tears, because they were tears of joy! Ryan and Rebecca were starting to get tired before their toasts, so they toasted with a monster energy drink instead of champagne. By the time we got them to the villa at 10pm, they passed out with exhaustion. It’s a good thing they stayed there two nights. Ryan got dehydrated. It must have been all the tears.
The Honeymoon: Rebecca’s mom, Lori, and I would laugh at the thought of going with Ryan and Rebecca on their honeymoon. They needed chaperones, but our laugh was over this: how to go on your disabled children’s honeymoon without being seen or heard! Ryan said he didn’t want us to stay in the room next to them, and we said we didn’t either, which created more laughter! So, someone had to go with them. Rebecca’s mom and sister volunteered. They took about a month after the wedding to get the arrangements made. They also had to see how much was given in their honeymoon registry. So, on July 3rd to the 10th they flew to Cabo San Lucas in Mexico to an all inclusive resort. They were able to go where they wanted and eat wherever they decided without having to have money exchanged. They swam and lounged in the pools surrounded by ocean and beach. Can you tell I wanted to be there too?? I lived it through their eyes. They had a wonderful time. There were a few incidences though. The transport from the airport to the hotel did not have a lift. They had to come back for them several hours later and create a lift for them. We think Ryan got twenty-four hour Montezuma revenge, or it might have been heat stroke at the pool due to a sunburn. When you asked him about the honeymoon, he never even brought it up, so it didn’t change his view on their wonderful honeymoon.
The Reality of Everyday Life: When you ask Ryan, “How is married life?” he says, “I’m still adjusting!” I think that is a totally honest answer. Every married couple has to adjust to being married. So, he and Rebecca have faced typical issues of adjustment. Ryan has had a little more adjusting than Rebecca, since he had to leave his home and routine. He has also had to adjust to having his trainer in the house for ten hours a week. He does enjoy that though. Rebecca has her own trainer working with her. So, he’s had to adjust to having two trainers in the house during the day, as well as, Rebecca’s aid that comes in the morning and the evening to help her. The difference between an aid and a trainer is that the aid does things for them, and the trainer trains them to do things on their own.
Rebecca has other things she does that Ryan does not. She works once a month for four hours at Target. She has swimming practices for the Special Olympics. She is in a musical band called the Notables. They perform around town at different functions. She attends practices each week for that also. Ryan goes to her performances if it is a free event. She also joins Ryan at the gym two afternoons a week to work out. She has become a lot stronger because of it. She told Ryan she wants to do bodybuilding also. Who knows, they may compete in the couples event. When Rebecca is at her functions,
Ryan enjoys his time on his video games. Ryan has enjoyed learning to cook and picks out meals that I never made for him. He has made eggplant parmesan, red curry chicken, pad Tai, and other interesting dishes. He said he wants to have me over for dinner, so he can cook for me. I can’t wait! One day as we were coming back from California on a trip, we called to see how they were doing. Ryan said he was fixing the armrest on his wheelchair with the joystick on it. He was trying to put in a screw, but didn’t have the right screw driver. Rebecca went next door and borrowed one, brought it to Ryan, and he fixed it by himself three hours later. I was so proud of him that he endured that long to put one screw in his chair and fixed it. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be in town that day.
They are both stepping up to their adult responsibilities in spite of their disabilities. Sleeping is a little difficult, because they aren’t used to having another person in the bed. Their only television is in the bedroom, so when Ryan stays up late, it keeps Rebecca awake. Ryan tends to be a night person, and Rebecca is a day person. They have made rules for themselves as they go. Some of these rules are very mature. They are basically learning to compromise their own agenda’s to their agenda as a couple. There are other cute stories of how they are adjusting, but they are doing it very well. I am so grateful that Ryan has a soul mate to share his life with. They each understand the difficulties of having to overcome the obstacles of some limitations, but they continue on with grace. They won’t have to be lonely in life. They will have each other to share life’s journey. That is a reward that many people long to have. They are truly blessed!
Cheri Smithson
October 14, 2012 @02:07 pm
COMPLICATIONS AND MIRACLES: Looking Towards Married Life As Rebecca and her parents, Ryan, Rich and I started preparing for the wedding, we realized how many complications there were going to be to pull this off. So many questions: where would they live, how would they live, and what would their lives look like as a married couple? We started meeting as families to work on these issues. We also offered some marriage advice to Ryan and Rebecca, since we and Rebecca’s parents have been married several decades. They also wanted to get marriage counseling from their church, because that is what everyone else does; and, if they do what everyone else does, it makes them seem normal.
Where Would They Live? The issue of Ryan leaving his home was huge. He owned his home, which you are allowed when you are on SSI benefits. If you leave that home, it is considered an asset, which would be too high to collect his benefits. We used Ryan’s recovery money from his medical lawsuit in 1988 to help build our home in WashoeValley. We lived there eighteen years. When we sold this house in 2006, we used his share to buy and remodel a handicap compliant home for him to live independently. While we were remodeling his home, we put his finances in a special needs trust to protect it from being used against him as assets. That is what a special needs trust is for, but we found out that the wording in the trust was not adequate to do that. Therefore, six months after he started receiving benefits from SSI, they told him he owed the government six months of benefits. That was such a hardship, since the funds had already been spent on the remodel when SSI decided this. When it came time for Ryan to move from his home into Rebecca’s house, we had to fix the problem with the special needs trust. This took an attorney. As we filed a petition to amend the trust, we found out we were no longer legal guardians, since Ryan had become an adult. Now we had to terminate the guardianship of him as a minor, and petition to be guardians of him as an adult, before we could amend the trust. If you are confused, it just shows you how complicated things became.
Our miracle was that we managed to go to court on the guardianships and the trust at the same time six weeks before they were married. Then we recorded the deed to the trust. I was getting nervous that we were going to have to tell Ryan that he couldn’t move in with his beautiful bride after they got married if this didn’t fall into place. I went into Social Security after Ryan got married in order to change his address. I took a copy of the trust with me, so they would know the situation. Now, we needed to wait to see if it held up in protecting his house. They approved his benefits at the new address, so we believe it worked. I prayed this would be full proof, so it would not ruin everything we have done for them to be together. Another reason they decided to live at Rebecca’s house was due to transportation. When we remodeled Ryan’s house, they provided city bus transportation for him, but with the economy cutbacks, they stopped his rides. His job coach and trainer, Rick, drove all they way out to the south end of town to pick up Ryan (when he lived on the north end) to take Ryan to the gym twice a week. Thank goodness for that, or Ryan would have been homebound. They do provide city bus rides at Rebecca’s house.
State Benefits: We had applied several years ago for Ryan to receive state benefits through vocational rehabilitation services. He was signed up in Carson, because they worked with Ryan when he attended CarsonHigh School. They had just approved his benefits his first year of being on his own. When we moved closer to Reno than Carson, they reassigned him to the Sparks office. This caused him to lose the benefits and go on a new waiting list. So, we had been waiting six years on this waiting list, when they finally approved it the week before they got married. I believe I would call that a miracle, because we did not know how he was going to pay rent and utilities at Rebecca’s, since he did not have to pay rent at his house. The state now pays his rent, utilities, some food to help with food stamps, spending money, and a trainer. The trainer comes in about ten hours a week and trains Ryan in areas such as: shopping, cooking, household chores, money management, and takes him to medical appointments. These benefits are not only helpful now, but if anything happened to Rich and me, we know he would be taken care of. This has been such a relief for me.
Now, the only thing I need to do, is show up at his medical appointments if I need to, and do a thorough house cleaning once a month. I alternate with Rebecca’s mom on that. I can now play the mom and mother-in-law roles without hovering. It has been very freeing, especially since he now lives on the other side of town from us. I actually talk to Ryan more often now on the phone than when he lived around the corner from us. I think before he moved he just knew I was there and right on the next street, so he didn’t need to call me so much. I was always stopping by since it was so convenient to do so. I do miss that, but he probably doesn’t.
